MGMT

Artist: MGMT
Album: MGMT
Rating: 1.0/5.0
Download: Promoting things isn’t indie so they wouldn’t want me to post the download link.

MGMT has always been the absolute awesomest. They’re wiry, they wear thick rimmed glasses and Bill Cosby sweaters, and they really like cats, all of which makes them exceedingly anti-mainstream and unique. Unconditionally different than those who have ironic mustaches, wear argyle socks to match the pants that have a pocket for their U-Lock and demonstrate a disregard for basic human hygiene. There are probably only a handful of these types of free spirited hipsters in the entire WORLD.

Being nerdy is the new bro.

They were the inspiration behind the ingenious and highly spiritual shaman-festival-attire movement. Having their songs featured in Gossip Girl and the new 90210 is the epitome of anti-pop. They’re as indie as indie gets and that is REALLY REALLY COOL. They never play their hits live and also say really cool stuff about their new album…like:

“But at this point in our careers, we can’t write a pop song. If we tried, we’d either get bummed out, or we’d change it enough until it was something that we actually liked.”

One thing must be done to cement a band’s legacy as cooler than everyone else: Take a massive dump in a cloth baby diaper, wrap it in wet hay, sprinkle some Alaskan cod on top, pop it in the microwave with an IceHouse fart for 20 minutes and serve it up as an album to once- loyal fans. In this effort, MGMT has succeeded. Hey, MGMT, congrats…you transcended cool by creating something only you find enjoyable.

Watch Here (2nd video):

http://pitchfork.com/news/52262-watch-mgmt-play-plenty-of-girls-in-the-sea-and-alien-days-on-fallon/

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Bang Pt.2 I Don’t Like

Artist: Chief Keef
Album: Bang Pt. 2
Rating: 2.0/5.0
Download: http://www.datpiff.com/Chief-Keef-Bang-Pt-2-mixtape.438612.html

All good things must come to an end. And in Chief Keef’s case it was never really that good. It was a novelty item that you would shoplift from Spencer’s gifts in junior high. Fart pills, lava lamp, F.B.I. (Federal Booby Inspector T-shirt) and most unforgettably the pen where when you tilt it the top comes off a busty woman. It also reflects the immense gullibility experienced in those transitional years. Eagerness to commit to just about any brand of music, so long as it was being widely listening to. Petey Pablo. Ying Yang Twins. Ja Rule.

download

Bang Pt. 2 is beyond dull. Consisting of tired beats and rhymes that rival the book Hop on Pop in complexity. At its best it seems like someone who recently splurged on Rosetta Stone and is becoming discouraged with their mediocre scores. Bang Pt. 2 is completely void of any innovation. It is something that was made for the sake of being made…like American Idol Seasons 2-12, Two Broke Girls, Constantine starring Keanu Reeves, the Miller Lite vortex bottle and Flo from Progressive Auto Insurance. We would all be a lot happier without these things and Bang Pt.2.

M. Night Shyamalan

Artist: Young Jeezy & CTE
Album: #ItsThaWorld
Rating: 1.0/5.0
Download: http://www.datpiff.com/Young-Jeezy-CTE-ItsThaWorld-mixtape.493338.html

Well…Young Jeezy officially got me with the ole early 2000’s M. Night Shyamalan prank. I have to applaud him for successfully executing this hoax because it’s rather prolonged and tremendously elaborate. Jeezy is currently planted firmly in Step 3, with Steps 4 and 5 quietly looming.

1.)    Release one to two notable and semi-acclaimed pieces to instill a sense of trust in the consumer.

2.)    Over the next few years produce increasingly middling and unexceptional material, just enough to prevent total abandonment. (i.e. Signs and The Village)

3.)    Begin branding your name on every chicken shit wad released and gauge both time and money from said consumer. (i.e. Devil, Avatar the Last Airbender)

4.)     Confirm yourself as an official has-been. If you DO have your weasel fingers in a project it’s well veiled to hide any involvement. (i.e. After Earth still a colossal failure)

5.)      Start doing autographs and selling merch at County Fairs and become host on an off-cable reality competition show.

#ItsThaWorld is a real ear sore.  A maddening endeavor. A tremendous waste of time for absolutely anyone involved. The fury is actually multiplying exponentially with every passing minute writing this review because of increasing casualty of minutes wasted on this album (and because I am staring at the below picture of M Night). It is actually my hope that you’ve stopped reading at this point so as to halt the venomous vacuum created by #ItsThaWorld. Jeezy is virtually non-existent on the album and anything that remains is unsalvageable.

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Wyclef Jean…please retire

Artist: Wyclef Jean
Album: April Showers
Rating: 0.5/5.0
Download: http://www.datpiff.com/Wyclef-Jean-April-Showers-mixtape.482242.html

You’d think that after the charity debacle and countless years releasing shit music Wyclef had finally taken his rightful place on top of the throne of complete and utter irrelevance, sunken into a swathed obscurity…until now. I suspiciously saw the Wyclef mixtape rear its ugly head on datpiff and was curious enough to be lured in. Nothing has been more covered in shite since the Chicago Architecture
Tour got enveloped by a load of assorted Coors lite ridden filth and excrement after the Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus driver accidentally “dropped the load” on the unknowing boat tourists. (true story Google it)

Like rotten ground beef crammed into a sausage skin Wyclef loads 36…count em’…36 songs onto April Showers, and not a single one is listenable. For instance in the Bugatti Freestyle Wyclef has rhymes like “Talk Italian to them haters…arrivederci see you later” and “they doing a song, do I want to spit son? Hell yeah! Caribbean connection!” I wonder how many people’s time was wasted making this album; I can’t imagine being the producer and having to feign excitement every day… “Wyclef you are genius! That rhyme with son and Caribbean Connection is pure gold baby!”

There is absolutely no way he listens to this and enjoys it, much like I believe there is no way John Voit watches Superbaby Geniuses 2 and enjoys seeing himself play the nefarious evil villain Bill Biscane for a quick paycheck.

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