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Kanye’s clothing line (Waterworld+Derelict+Dinner parties outside of the Matrix)

Abandon what you know about style. About clothing. About your life. Dressing in the present is officially a thing of the past. We should be wearing pigeon feather scarfs, nutria fur beanies and urine soaked newspapers. Flaming Hot Cheeto bags as gloves. The essence of the city. This is Kanye’s post apocalyptic clothing line that has become adoringly known as “YeezaLict”.

Cloths that actually fit are a sign of ignorance and weakness. The new line has two types of fitting; sausage skin or moo moo. Both drawing inspiration from Talbots and Fashion Bug. The perfect combination of rags, ski masks, and dusters were created for almost any post-apocalyptic occasion. Whether it be dining out of a trashcan with a couple of pals or being chased by a swarm of drones, Kanye has you covered.

Do you think that perfectly tailored Marc Jacobs suit is going to get you that new job? Your embarrassing yourself, simple minded peasant. You could spend the equivalent on a soup stained thermal shirt, more pilled than your grandpa’s favorite cotton jeans, and a collar that you could fit around your waist. Kanye recommends stepping into the collar and pulling up, that’s how people do it post apocalypse. He’s been there. We should all be dressing for a time when dirt is currency. Where Keanu is humanity’s only hope.

When someone looks at your wardrobe there should be three conflicting ideas:
1.) You’re from a distant post apocalyptic future
2.) You’ve just finished a MD 20/20 and peed yourself
3.) You fiercely debate the pronunciation of Smaug in AOL chatrooms in your mom’s basement with username: fettucine_alfrodo