Quarterback Love
Nick Foles
Go Away! Batin’!
Loves money and sex with chicks
Costco time machine
Jake Locker
The Dallas Defense
Is worse than Space Jam’s Tune Squad
Tune Squad sans M.J.
Quarterback Hate
Peyton Manning
Hamburger Pizza
A lingering pregame snack
White pants become brown
Robert Griffin III
Nothing in the tank
Has-been playing county fairs
Just like Sugar Ray
Running Backs Love
Chris Johnson
Gold grills are too trill
Has Lenny Kravitz dreadlocks
C.J. fly away
Marshawn Lynch
Marshawn Skittles cloud
Forecast: torrential downpour
Candy bludgeoning
Running Backs Hate
Steven Jackson
Can barely stand up
Watch him faint behind the line
Back of calf face plants
Doug Martin
The muscle hamster
Only enjoys burrowing
Not running wild, free
Wide Receiver Love
Victor Cruz
Enjoys Pace salsa
Instead of red Gatorade
More electrolytes
Vincent Jackson
It is most quiet
Before the storm, and most dark
Before any light
Wide Receiver Hate
Percy Harvin
Is more volatile
Than an expired McRib
A blowout coming
Dwayne Bowe
Suspended or not
Toil in irrelevance
Bong loads make stone hands
Tight End Love
Rob Gronkowski
The bionic man
Or bicentennial man
The Iron Giant
Tight End Hate
Jordan Cameron
A dumpster fire
Nothing is salvageable
Abandon all Browns
Defense Love
Tampa Bay
The St. Louis Rams
Louisiana Mud Dogs
Sans the Water Boy
Defense Hate
San Francisco
Lunch Lady Romo
Will not be serving hot picks
This is not Dallas
