Fantasy Football Week 1 Love/Hate Haiku

Quarterback Love

Jay Cutler
Menthols are packed
Yellowed fingers throw touchdowns
The Bills, his ashtray

tumblr_maczzgtsmq1rge9rdo1_500

Matthew Stafford
Buckets of Bud Light
Ninety-proof touchdowns
Destroy all of the shotskis

senorfrogs

Quarterback Hate

Tony Romo
Tragedy begins
Romo, star-crossed lover
Cursed from the start

romoeo

Philip Rivers
The Bolo necktie
Can only save so many
Rivers is not one

phillip-rivers

Running Backs Love

Toby Gerhart
Slow burning candle
A plodding gym rat shall rise
You can’t teach volume

sloth

Ben Tate
No more Arian
Browns passing incompetence
Will pay dividends

ScreenShot2013-10-23at1.12.30PM_original_crop_north

Running Backs Hate

Maurice Jones Drew
Pocket Hercules
An ancient Polly Pocket
But more frustrating

url

Arian Foster
He has bird like bones
His hamstring is wet cardboard
Everything will break

unbreakable

Wide Receiver Love

Wes Welker (if he plays)
Is the Great Gazoo
Wes Welker bobblehead day
Happens everday

welker

Miles Austin
The quads of a god
According to Collinsworth
Could crush a diamond

Minecraft-diamond-pic

Wide Receiver Hate

Danny Amendola
Glass menagerie
The NFL’s Bubble Boy
Except less funny

amendola

Eric Decker
High, low, at the toes
Hook, shank, has already sank
Geno not Peyton

decker

Tight End Love

Martellus Bennett
Nuclear Mickey
Will become Super Saiyan
And rule galaxies

martellus

Tight End Hate

Antonio Gates
Is now elderly
Crossword puzzles and Werther’s
Friday night bingo

werthers

Defense Love

Chicago
Bear necessities
Stealing all picnic baskets
Eat all the honey

bear

Defense Hate

Detroit
Never trust Detroit
Except Kid Rock halftime shows
and frat boy Stafford

kid_rock_54440

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