Skinny Girl vodka has always vaguely promoted the hope of never farting and pooping no more than twice a week, but with Skinny Girl’s new Beano flavored vodka, the fantasy of a perpetually corked ring piece is now a reality. Now instead of sneakily railing lines of Beano in a bathroom stall at a Bar Louie outside of Hammond, you can drink it down with your favorite low calorie vodka and never have to worry about EMBARASSINGLY cutting an eye stinger while you’re lighting the wrong end of a cigarette or throwing up into a potted plant.

The collaboration with Beano will stop the gas, but the heaving portion of Imodium AD, as the top secret sexy ingredient, will stop the most vicious bowel movement in its tracks. You’ll find yourself staring dreamily at the calendar, wondering about the last time even the tiniest rabbit nugget of pitched black coal worked its way out of you. Your body will want the vodka out, but the mixture of vodka and stomach medication will have it coiled up in your stomach like a thousand-year-old cement snake. Mmmm cozy!

Being irregular and drunk as a bastard is elegant and empowering. Gassy and bloated, with a blinding pain in your stomach but NEVER stinky. That’s Skinny Girl Beano’s promise to you. So drink Skinny Girl Beano today and let’s be irregular together.