Kim Kardashian disproves pregnancy rumors by posting picture of most recent bowel movement

Hollywood, California-The mundanity plaguing most people’s existence has caused a trend in escapism with speculation about things that are slightly less dull than a third trip to Kohl’s in as many days. The possible pregnancy of our selfie messiah and reality television martyr, Kim Kardashian, has become a fixation for people with absolutely nothing else going on. But these same people may have to return to suffocating boredom after Kim posted a heavily filtered picture of a football sized turd.

That’s right, a mysterious picture of what appears to be a sizeable albeit unhealthy bowel movement was posted on Kim’s Instagram account along with the caption: Birthed (kiss face emoji, baby emoji, lipstick emoji). The apparent cause of the adorable, now disturbing, alleged baby bump she had been sporting weeks prior.

“Before I launch a new makeup line, I sample everything, which means I have to eat a LOT of makeup…it wreaks havoc on my insides, but people need their pouty lips and contouring!” said Kardashian looking at the multicolored, steaming loaf in front of her.

With the rumor now being dispelled by the birthing of a cement snake, society can now passively like the picture with 50,000 other brainless hacks and go back to mainlining Mountain Dew Code Red.

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