Hammond, IN-Realizing America’s obsession with subscription services and willingness to consume whatever filler is crammed into their sagging skin, one company has come up with an game-changing idea that could revolutionize the way we consume and produce waste.

In order to satisfy the need to buy absolute fucking garbage from swarming Facebook ads, Widget Inc. has created a subscription service that will deliver a heaving box of trash directly to a rarely used closet in your house, and then will pick that box up a month later and dump the contents directly into the Pacific Ocean. The box contains all sorts of items that exist for the sole purpose of giving incompetent marketing teams something to do.

The only thing more powerful than the will to needlessly consume, is the will to promote, to create as much noise as possible until a fever pitch is reached and someone with a broken will and a dull enough life makes the purchase.

The subscription is only $29.99 a month and even comes with a premium subscription to a streaming service where users can watch their waste fester, destroy wildlife and even become part of the Pacific Northwest trash vortex! So buy more shit now!