Hammond, IN – In an act of undying originality, a penis shaped cake was ordered for the bride-to-be by a group of people who had apparently Google image searched “bachelorette party ideas” several days prior. The cake itself seemed a perfect consolation for someone with no discernible personality or interests, presented proudly by a group as seemingly characterless as the person being celebrating.

“When people see this on Instagram they are going to fuh-reak,” said Lindsey or Katie or Jessica. “They’ll just be all like, holy shit no they didn’t! They’ll be so jealous about what a crazy, young wild and free time we’re having! #PureMichigan!” continued one of the faceless losers in a nasally whine barely comprehendible to the human eardrum. 

The cake arrived predictably stale, wholly inedible and was promptly swarmed by flies who mistook it for another sizable bowel movement from someone in the party who had been inexplicably crapping the woods all weekend.

Even though the entire occurrence was ignored by the world, the cake will live in infamy amongst a small group of uninteresting friends.