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Illinois announces residents must get new Really Realer than Real ID

Chicago, IL – In an effort to become an even more prominent nuisance in everyone’s lives, the incompetent Illinois government has announced that travelers will now require something called a Really Realer than Real ID, an escalation of the already insufferable Real ID. Residents looking to travel the country or travel abroad can look forward to being cattle prodded into varying holding pens by human sized rats that look vaguely like former mayor, Rahm Emanuel.

After several hours of waiting fully nude in the dilapidated basement of Bottled Blonde, customers will be served a proprietary blend of Monster Energy, Malört and HUEL. The blend is said to mix in the stomach and function as a quick drying molding substance once vomited up. The vomit is collected, along with a healthy fistful of pubic hair, and molded into a lifelike miniature statue by a group of people doing a wine & paint class.

The miniature vomit statue costs an additional $1,000, which combined with lost time and suffering makes for yet another substantial economic and psychological deposit into the greedy pockets of the brain dead losers attempting to run the city. But, at least you’ll have an adorable and timeless piece of art that looks vaguely like you and inexplicably functions as the Really Realer than Real ID.