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Steve Bannon to replace Ellen DeGeneres with new show “Bannon”

The last known living orc, Steve Bannon, was arrested beating off into a pile of ground beef on a Tim Allen themed yacht this week with the intention of forcing him to replace embattled talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. Law Enforcement officials have confirmed that the new show “Bannon” will keep the same format as Ellen, including contrived positivity and heaving spoonfuls of pointless celebrity gossip, only it will now be hosted by someone whose skin appears to be actively retreating from the diseased organs it contains.

“We didn’t want too much change, people don’t like change, so Bannon was an obvious replacement candidate,” said one NBC executive, furiously signing several hundred settlement checks.

Watch as Steve Bannon vomits into a slop bucket while Kris Jenner takes a dump into an outdated couch and talks about her newly installed self cleaning teeth. Laugh when Chrissy Teigen bakes a cake out of human hair while ranting about self-care and cry when Simon Cowell chops his hand off to prove he’s not a clone. All on NBC…All on…BANNON.