http://youtu.be/JvcBUf2Bzbs

Item number one on my bucket list; gain the power of an entire, highly trained and extremely volatile, orc army by inhaling their souls. I assumed this would be a pricy and lengthy endeavor, until I realized I could do it through a single cigarette. I despise cigarettes but absolutely nothing looks more badass and satisfying than consuming the souls of a butt ton of mythological creatures. One cig to rule them all. A single puff and you’ll look like the final scene in Jumanji. In fact I think the swirling effect in the commercial is identical. Who doesn’t want to be a rare artifact that ruins people’s lives by expelling and inhaling an alcoholic poacher, a bunch of prehistoric plants, and some poorly rendered CGI monkeys? The idiot in this commercial is wearing an emo hoodie and it still looks insane. Think about what it would look like in a profanity ridden sleeveless while holding a gnarled wizard staff.

The more cigarettes you smoke the more power you gain. It’s the exact same logical science behind the Highlander. As you crush cigarettes, you gain their respective power. You may have zoo breath for a while, but it’s well worth it for power absorption. I’ve never been so close to smoking 24/7 and going Super Saiyan.