It’s confirmed: 0 fucks given by the middle-aged man wearing a Señor Frog’s shirt on Chicago Transit. There was initial speculation that he may be commuting to work at the Margaritaville at Navy Pier, but that theory was quickly dispelled given the age-old blood rivalry between the two vastly different interpretations of beach themed entertainment.
The retirement home vibe of Margaritaville and the “butt bong a beer to win a cotton candy goat” mantra of Señor Frog’s has fueled turf wars that have brought cities like Orlando to its knees, forcing people craving themed fun to seek refuge in Universal Studios.
The man drew initial attention from other passengers because he was wearing a Señor Frog’s shirt outside of Myrtle Beach. “Something didn’t seem right about him, he seemed too chill,” said one affected passenger “He appeared to be sipping coffee from a neon, yard long novelty glass.” Other commuters were perturbed because they ended up soaked in Coconut Parrot Bay after the man errantly sprayed at their closed mouths with a super soaker.
Given that only Señor Frogs would tolerate using a super soaker to distribute shots and wearing a pitted out shirt that says “Drink till she’s pretty,” it was assumed the slightly overweight, leather skinned man was not headed to a place of employment, but rather was on a leisurely pursuit for a bar & grill oasis on a Wednesday morning.
Though yet again nothing can be assumed about anyone wearing a Señor Frog’s, an enduring and unforgettable notion. When asked where he was going, he responded fervently “To work at Sluggers, the baseball themed bar near Wrigley field. It has effin’ batting cages, so don’t try and tell me that’s not chill. $2 censored on the beaches and half off shotskis, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere baby!” Apparently Sluggers is evolving into a beach/baseball theme, and wearing a shirt with a drunk cartoon frog is encouraged.
He sank back into his seat, sipped his coffee and road the train like it was his own personal lazy river. We should all be wearing Señor Frogs shirts.