Week 2 Fantasy Football Love/Hate Haikus

Quarterback:
Love
Peyton Manning vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Papa John’s Pizza
Is now serving wounded ducks
Garlic Gatorade

gatotrad2

Tony Romo vs. Philadelphia
Enough misfortune
For an entire lifetime
Finally vanquished

Russel Wilson vs. Green Bay
Recovery water
And some fire and brimstone
Melts evil Packers

russel

Hate:
Tom Brady vs. Buffalo
Public tax dollars
Won’t fund another escape
Crushed like a cellphone

Matthew Stafford vs. Minnesota
A flat backwards hat
Can’t block out stadium lights
Can make face look huge

images

Jay Cutler vs. Arizona
A city ash tray
Takes a greyhound bus away
To never return

Running Back:
Love:
Lamar Miller vs. Jacksonville

Saddened, denial
Sadder than Dolphin Tale Two?
Become Free Willy

Joseph Randle vs. Philadelphia
Fresh Polo undies
Defense smells stolen cologne
They’re left motionless

Danny Woodhead vs. Cincinnati
Pocket Juggalo
The greasiest hair ever
Will slip defenders

juggalo

Hate:
Justin Forsett vs. Oakland
A one year wonder
Meets a stagnant, mild offense
A lukewarm result

Alfred Morris vs. St. Louis
A herd of mad Rams
Turned cannibal, seek fresh meat
Ring the feeding bell

p1029578637-3

Doug Martin vs. New Orleans
Jameis, cannot throw
Jameis, cannot throw. Jameis,
Cannot throw Jameis

Wide Receiver
Love:
Cole Beasley vs. Philadelphia
A helmet mullet
Makes you extra elusive
Blonde locks in the wind

Indianapolis+Colts+v+Dallas+Cowboys+L3LpnTobkd3l

Keenan Allen vs. Cincinnati
Left for dead, but why?
Does a season make a man?
Rise! Crawl from the ash!

Calvin Johnson vs. Minnesota
Rusty parts, neglect
Performed like Transformers Two
Ready to explode

Hate:

Amari Cooper vs. Baltimore
Bah Gawd! That’s Pac-Man!
Choke slam! Amari, choke slam!
He still looks woozy!

jr

Sammy Watkins vs. New England
What is that garment?
Invisibility cloak
Quidditch not football

Andre Johnson vs.  New York
Old, Older, Oldest
Del Boca Vista  retiree
Early bird special

Tight End:

Love:
Jason Witten vs. Philadelphia
Is this sorcery?
To disobey father time
Is to live always

Hate:
Greg Olsen vs. Houston
Swarming bees attack
Like Nic Cage in Wicker Man
The bees! Not the bees!

not_the_bees

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s