One Tie All Tie

Social media influencer has Urban Outfitters Panama hat permanently sewn to scalp

Instagram specific elective surgeries are ALL the rage now. I just recently had my entire body dyed to match the worn yellow hue of the iconic Nashville filter, so I can permanently look like I’m in a Mumford and Sons video. But one lifestyle blogger is taking her young, wild and free vibez to a realm beyond a procedure as simple as using Sunny Delight injections to change the hue of your skin.

Anastasia Nicole has forced one unwilling doctor via gunpoint to have her iconic and totally original Urban Outfitters woven Panama hat permanently sewn to her scalp. The hat will be incapable of coming off and function as a thin barrier to the brain beneath. Because absolutely NOTHING says whimsical, carefree adventurer like a hat crudely sewn to your head by a doctor held at gun point. The hat and visible sutures and caked blood will look very cozy next to a piping hot mug of freshly brewed coffee.

Anastasia Nicole has said that the permanence of the hat displays her commitment to be perpetually influencing. She doesn’t want her herd of braindead #girlbosses and #desperategoons to question her ability to create content to mindlessly consume.

I can’t say I blame her, I’m planning on getting my nose sanded off next week so that my face appears more smooth.