Hollywood, CA – CBS has decided to slather up decade old Salisbury steak from the ring piece of your deceased lunch lady and resurrect it in an ancient crock pot barely capable of maintaining the setting for keep warm. JAG, a military crime drama, will be reheated as JAG (off), a show about two inbred douche bags who start an aptly named strip club using decommissioned naval uniforms. Except they cut the crotch out of course.

Watch as Edgar Trimble played by Chris Klein and Terry Kopchinski played by Jim Parsons wrestle with the trials and tribulations of starting a military themed strip club in Northern Indiana.

You’ll laugh when Trimble cuts his hand off while trying to cut the crotch out of a pair of dress whites and you’ll cry during the episode in which Trimble and Kopchinski realize that it is a stripper’s right to stand during the nightly playing of the national anthem.

Critics are calling the show “as dull as the wet carpet you’re accustomed to at a strip club,” and “Socially, politically, and spiritually unaware, JAG (off) feels like getting a lap dance from that clown in the movie Spawn,” so tune in today.