Sources have confirmed, the Lollapalooza website has been voted best in user interface by the Bureau of Scalpers. The site enjoyed a narrow victory over PornHub, where scalpers spend the rest of their free time. The unrelenting consistency of the site year after year of catering tickets only to scalpers is what did it. “It’s truly incredible logic they’ve implemented.” Said Paul Serone, proud member of the Bureau since 1994. “I was scared at first, technology is a scary thing, this site taught me not to be scared. It gave me the confidence I needed to buy 200 tickets at a time, knowing that the website will crash when it suspects the user isn’t a scalper.” Continued Serone with quivering lips and watery.
No one knows who designed the website but every facet is a scalper’s playground. Some speculate there is a hidden button to successfully purchase tickets that only appears are scalper’s browsers.
In a crazy world, one thing you can always count on is not getting tickets to Lollapalooza.