XSPORT Fitness, Chicago, IL-On Wednesday, a guy who looked vaguely like Girard Butler’s paunchy cousin during the 2007 shooting of 300 but perceived himself as looking like Girard Butler himself, offered up some ill-informed weight lifting tips to a woman who absolutely didn’t need them.
“Yeah, I finished huffing my pre-workout sock full of rubber cement and saw this helpless chick sitting on the leg press machine, and though I was seeing double and had never used the machine myself, I figured she would appreciate me interrupting her workout to explain how a real man uses the machine, someone who’s watched the movie 300 over 20 times,” said Terry Horvath, loading the machine with several hundred pounds in weights.
The conversation itself ended rather abruptly, just as Terry was explaining and demonstrating how the key to leg pressing was hyperextending your knees and locking them up at the top of the rep, said knees both exploded into a million pieces, Achilles tore like breadsticks in a goddamn Olive Garden commercial and melted onto the floor below and Horvath wept openly, screaming THIS IS SPARTA as the ambulance wheeled him away. One of the braindead trainers picked up the mess left behind and tried to sell it to another member as a great new way to build mass.
“Though I only got one rep in before my knees collapsed…I think she got the idea, she’ll probably ask me to take her to GNC soon, I know a guy that can hook me up with 5% off with purchase of a 300 lb protein jug” continued Horvath, during another week at rehab. Doctors say that with a lot of hardwork and a little luck, he may be able to walk again.