Week 1 Fantasy Football Love/Hate Haikus

Quarterback:
Love
Andy Dalton vs. Oakland
Short red hair, don’t care
A horned frog turned red rocket
Pale skin shines in light

dalton

Sam Bradford vs. Atlanta
Return of Frodo
Kelly starring as Samwise
Serves Mister Frodo

frodo

Carson Palmer vs. New Orleans
Slower than the plot
Of Boyhood in slow motion
An arm not a leg

palmer

Hate:
Russel Wilson vs. St. Louis
Receiver graveyard
Playmaker cemetery
St. Louis corpse feast

Drew Brees vs. Arizona
End of an era
Sawdust blowing on Bourbon
A stale, flat Grenade

gera

Kirk Cousins vs. Miami
A banana peel
booby traps galore, from Bob
He will play again

Running Back:
Love:
Doug Martin vs. Tennessee
Salt lick and water
Muscle hamster is recharged
No more dirty cage

test

Lamar Miller vs. Washington
A flute with no holes
not a flute, a defense with
holes not a defense

Chris Ivory vs. Cleveland
A sprinting mailbox
Running into a pillow
Feathers will explode

mailbox

Hate:
Frank Gore vs. Buffalo
Old knees running in
Tall trees,  enormous buildings
Immovable force

Melvin Gordon vs. Detroit
Uncertain rookie
With Woodhead looming, waiting
To capture the throne

joffrey

Alfred Morris vs. Miami
A team that can’t throw
Often cannot run, which is
Fantasy Football

Wide Receiver
Love:
Devin Funchess vs. Jacksonville
A type of mushroom
Flourishes in Jacksonville
Invasive species

mushrooms

Brandon Marshall vs. Cleveland
Geno’s broken jaw
A true blessing in disguise
The beard shall find you

Steve Smith Sr. vs. Denver
A shootout awaits
He’ll be your huckleberry
Who else is there?

smith

Hate:
Jeremy Maclin vs. Houston
Rare breed of QB
Receivers invisible
Unnoticed, quiet, sad

Pierre Garcon vs. Miami
Wearing oven mits
Hands of the finest cinder
Rock type Pokémon

pokeball

DeAndre Hopkins vs. Kansas City
A man not prepared
To be the one, the savior
of a dying offense

Tight End:
Love:
Austin Seferian Jenkins vs. Tennessee
The safety blanket
To a QB that needs one
Jameis is Linus

Hate:
Jason Witten vs. New York
Decline of Witten
Sadly begins in Dallas
Grumpy Old Men Three

 

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