Clinton came out the winner of the democratic debate, but that could all change with a disturbing revelation. Several people in attendance confirmed they saw black plumes coming from what appeared to be a rusting exhaust pipe at the bottom of the celebrated politicians skirt suit. “It kind of looked like an 89’ Chevy Malibu warming up in the dead of winter.” Said one witness. “I’ve never seen that much exhaust coming from one human…come to think of it I’ve never seen any exhaust coming from any human.” He continued now visibly disturbed. Whatever device or mechanism that was creating that exhaust had to be working very, very hard.

Before the debate other witnesses saw what appeared to be mechanics discreetly entering the former first lady’s dressing room. “Through the sliver in a cracked door, I thought I saw Hilary completely slumped over…then with a couple of hasty pulls on a chord she whirred to life like a trusty lawn mower.” Said the witness who also confirmed seeing empty gas containers with lipstick marks on them.

The crowning moment in the night was Clinton’s take on current immigration standards, which involved her regurgitating several mechanical spiders before launching into the following perfectly executed binary sequence.

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Anyone watching the first Democratic debate didn’t seem to notice or care.