One Tie All Tie

Mass “Happy Turkey Day!” text promptly ignored

A mass text sent to around 50 people that stated “Happy Turkey Day! Hope it’s a good one!” elicited no response from any of the included contacts. “I put a lot of thought into this mass text, it had to be perfect.” said Martin Schuster optimistically. “I couldn’t decide to use one or two exclamation points, I finally landed on two because I think that really captures that Turkey Day spirit!” Continued Schuster.

It can generally be ascertained that two exclamation points accompanied by a generic well-wishing is enough to convey sincere affection between humans, but this text somehow fell short. And though “Happy Turkey Day! Hope it’s a good one!” may seem like a deeply personal message tailored specifically to meet the emotional needs of each and every person on that 50 person mass text list; it was resolutely disregarded. In fact it joined the other genericized digital waste that traditionally plagues inboxes. Schuster remains hopeful for a reply nearly 9 hours after the text was sent.

“It must have been a really impactful text, I haven’t heard anything yet so people must be really reflecting on it. I’m just happy to have changed a few lives.”