Chicago, IL-On Tuesday, a man was spotted wearing a pair of oversized white DC shoes, complete with massive tongue and a lifetime of regret. The shoe, generally reserved for 8th graders who are overcompensating for bottomed out self-esteem, appeared peculiar on a fully grown human with the means and presumable intelligence to wear something else.
The look of pride on the man’s face suggested the same imaginary sense of importance as any teenager debuting a new Hollister sweatshirt at a local piece of shit mall in Northern Indiana, a strange misguided superiority. The look of someone whose peak human experience was as an illiterate, puberty ridden adolescent.
“I looked sweet in 8th grade, and though I wasn’t athletic or smart or funny, and pretty much existed like a tub old bath water sometimes exists, my shoes were dope as hell, I had some piped out jeans AND I almost touched Lindsay Mumford’s boob once,” said Terry Lapadat adjusting an oversized Fox Racing shirt.
By refusing to surrender the enormous skate shoes, Monster Energy shirt and wallet chain, he is refusing to give up on the mindset of Skate or Die…steadfastly defending a state of perpetual puberty and refusing to abandon the dream of perhaps even one day touching a boob.
