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A Star is Born 3 will haunt your dreams

When the plot leaked for A Star is Born 3, fans of the movie asked, how is a third iteration of a movie being made when a sequel doesn’t exist AND the main character of the movie died of AEA (auto-erotic asphyxiation) in the first film? Fortunately Bradley Cooper offered the following explanation regarding the ending to the first film:

“Though it seemed like Jackson Maine was going to end his life, he actually just went to go do NZT and watch Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace set to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon remixed by the Chainsmokers,” 

Now what we have is a duster fueled trilogy in which no one can really determine the difference between Jackson Maine, Ally and Bradley Cooper and it looks like quite the artistic accomplishment. All are being directed and produced by the embattled filmmaker SueJanna Truscott who most notoriously tried to remake Shawshank Redemption with CGI versions of the cast of Grown Ups 2.

A Star is Born 2 features Jackson Maine raising himself from the dead in a Christ like manner and finds himself pondering life’s greatest questions over a hero dose of computer duster. Critics are calling it the bastard child of a devil’s threesome between Passion of the Christ, Drillbit Taylor and The Bucket List.

A Star is Born 3 features Jackson Maine 1000 years in the future, apparently an ability acquired from huffing duster and making music that sounds vaguely like the Black Keys. When he awakens a torrid love triangle begins between him, Shrek and Jar Jar Binks, the apparent loss of Ally causing him to be attracted to CGI fictional animals. What follows is the birth of techno music and a new species birthed from human and CGI living together.