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This coworker just spent the last 20 minutes recapping weather from the long weekend

Chicago, IL – In a moment as dull as the abused urinal cake in the aggressively skin-toned men’s restroom on the 12th floor in a nondescript office space, one coworker spent 20 excruciating minutes recapping the weather from the long weekend. The plain observation, given by someone akin to a piece of waterlogged drift wood, dribbled from their mouth as though it were somehow pathetically rehearsed the day prior. Wheezing from their diaphragm as one long submissive sigh, which combined with the smell of heartburn and low fat yogurt, suggested an immense and unaddressed sadness.

The person breezed right over other weekend highlights, like the return of a persistent case of athlete’s foot and biting into a cantaloupe only to discover it had turned. Perhaps deeming them too significant of milestones to casually share with colleagues. Instead the thorough recapping of mild weather which had already came and went and thus held absolutely no significance was by default the best option.