Scientists confirm anyone wearing pajama pants on your flight is farting the whole time

A recent study completed by a team of Walmart and Southwest scientists has eliminated any lingering doubt; anyone wearing pajama pants is steadily farting for the entire duration of your flight. The worn out elastic waistband, fatigued color, grease skid marks and layer of crumbs on every pair of pajama pants found at the airport all serve as supporting evidence. “Yes, the age of the pajama pant, along with a decaying waistband and rotten embedded food morsels can all contribute to the stench, but what we’ve discovered is much more significant.” said Ed Gentry, head of pajama/sweatpants research at Walmart.

Once a human being has let his/herself go, to the point of wearing pajama pants on an airplane, there is very little they’re incapable of doing. “They don’t care about other humans, maximum comfort is priority, they smell like they just woke up” said Gentry, visibly shaken “This addiction to comfort contributes to a steady stream of rotten air passing through their ringpiece at all times.” Apparently when you dawn sweatpants in an airport it suppresses the part of your brain responsible for basic common courtesy, which includes releasing eye stinging farts on an inescapable cross country flight. “It’s certainly part mental but the crumbling, pilled fabric of the pajama pant also relaxes the sphincter, making it that much easier to let loose.” said Gentry wistfully. Until planes start enforcing a dress code, this epidemic will continue to grow. Scientists have have spoken with TSA agents about a policy to at least ensure the pants haven’t actually been pooped in.

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