Doomsday clock set to 3 minutes, humanity promptly disregards

Last week scientists announced that the metaphorical clock predicting the demise of humanity is a mere three minutes to midnight. Though the global landscape is bleaker than ever before and things seem generally unsalvageable, there are more important things at hand. “Doomsday Clock is the third cousin of Steven Avery’s first wife right? I think that I read that potentially groundbreaking testimony somewhere on Facebook last week…or wait was that the name of a Top 5 Men’s Hair Styles of 2016? Either way, fuck it.” said Jason Shepard gazing aimlessly at a game of Candy Crush: Farmhouse Sage.

This seems to be the general consensus as mankind remains only vaguely aware of the universal shortcomings that will cause the end of us all. And with good reason…because there’s always a person that you haven’t talked to in a decade posting an asinine selfie on Instagram for you to passively judge. Time well spent.

As humanity continues to hurtle towards extinction, in all of our dying days, we can at least find solace in the 25 Craziest Moles found on Kris Jenner’s Ass in 2016. 


One thought on “Doomsday clock set to 3 minutes, humanity promptly disregards

  1. Spot on.
    Just out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on “doomsday” itself? Seeing as we have a tendency to ignore it and hope it will go away, do you think it will be too late to stop by the time we get our act together?
    And maybe, just maybe, could it be a good thing?

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