A yellowing, wholly beige employee incapable of lifting his own head eased tension around the office as he confirmed the symptoms were a mere product of elevated pollen levels. “Really I should be celebrated for being…sniffffffffffffff….huh huh huh…ARGH….ARGH OH GOD…excuse me…celebrated for coming into the office even when everyone told me not to,” wheezed Gregory Phillips through a series of visibly and audibly productive nose blows, his skin appearing moist and translucent. His bloodshot eyes ripe with the confusion that accompanies any midwinter disease.

Though several people around the office witnessed him taking anguished sips from an already dwindling bottle of Nyquil and noticed an obvious inability to even stand up from his chair, Phillips remained steadfast that these are all completely common symptoms of airborne allergens. “I’m not sick…I’m really not…every symptom can be tied back to allergies, take for instance the…harghhkkkkkk ARHUG…painful white clusters in my throat, clearly just bee pollen from me sticking my head out the bus window on the way in,” continued Phillips casually touching every available surface in the office while huddled in a stinky old quilt.

In a week the entire office will be forced to endure the same suspicious allergy symptoms that inexplicably last 1-2 weeks before subsiding. All the while despising Gregory Phillips.