One Tie All Tie

P Diddy chooses “Die” in Vote or Die Conundrum

An age old conundrum that has been a relatively effortless decision for the last decade has since grown into an intricate labyrinth of despair that has turned hip-hop mogul/voting activist P Diddy into a shell of his former self. “Vote or die was the most pivotal movement in this country since Hands Across America,” said a despondent Diddy sitting in a solid gold hot tub filled with Cîroc. A hair dryer lies eerily close to the tub of vodka. “This election has me thinking “die” may be the most logical alternative,” continued a visibly drunk Diddy, a single tear rolling patriotically down his cheek.

The political dumpster fire wages on as the two shit insects squirm helplessly for votes. Existing in a state of numbing futility and leaving anyone sane enough to question the candidates with identical, painfully clenched ring pieces. Quietly waiting for the icing on the shit cake to harden. Diddy maintains the same acute sensitivity to the pulse of the country as he did in 2006.

“These candidates are really about to do to this country what I did to Kashmir for the Godzilla soundtrack in 98’…Jesus Christ…we’re all fucked,” said Diddy in closing, watching the Come With Me music video in a visible and consuming terror.

When the founder of an early 2000’s voting activism campaign begins to consider the unthinkable alternative, it functions as a testament that the country truly is on the brink of an unstoppable collapse.