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Subway introduces new extra thick, carved Turkey Fist Sandwich

In an effort to continue evolving with the disgusting culinary desires of America, Subway has fashioned what they are deeming the most disturbing rendering of lunch meat imaginable. The new Turkey Fist Sandwichâ„¢ features a heaping dollop of soaking wet deli meat that is then welded together and molded into what appears to be an enormous human fist. The swelling fist, bulging with glistening meat mountain ranges is then set delicately between two pieces of white bread that will all but disintegrate under the weight of the soggy cinder block of turkey.

Like all Subway ingredients, the meat is rampant with pesticides, antibiotics, steroids and particle board, making it virtually indestructible and similarly indigestible. It will emerge from you just as it entered, completely and utterly unscathed. Texturally every bite feels like a thousand micro bites as your teeth crunch down on the multiple layers of unnaturally fused turkey meat. And make sure to put your hand on the back of the sub when you bite down, because the damp log has a tendency to slither and squirm from the bun when stirred awake.

So come down to Subway today and sink your teeth into the new mouthwatering Turkey Fist Sandwich, part of Subways $5 Footlong deal.