Uber has announced that the entity that controls surge pricing around the country is comprised solely of high school math teachers. “Surge pricing is triggered whenever one or more person in a city is on the Uber application. Given surge regularity, we decided to utilize a group of people that excel in distributing tedious math functions that are otherwise useless in everyday life.” Said snickering Uber representative Alec Dubois-Vachon as he raised his finger with a mustache tattooed on it over his upper lip.

The strategy is rooted in mental anguish and disorientation, creating confusion around whether or not an uberX with surge pricing is cheaper than a normal cab. The torment of such banal math ultimately exhausts the potential customer into settling for the marginally more expensive option. Take for example trying to get home on a temperate afternoon. First your confronted with the inexplicable surge pricing, it’s 1:00 p.m. on a Saturday and according to the map there is a hornets nest of uberX drivers waiting to swarm. While wrestling with this notion you’re bombarded with a 1.275X surge charge sending your brain into a complete tailspin.

“The attention span required to solve such a math equation is around 4 seconds, you add in the initial frustration of the mystifying surge pricing and you’re looking at 2 seconds tops before folding.” Furthered Dubois-Vachon, still hiding behind his mustache tattooed finger.

The strategy of disheartening users into a sale is yet another genius ploy by a company that can do no wrong.