Hollywood, CA-Outrage is a default emotion at this point for humanity, a resting state of fury and frustration ready to pulverize anything with even the slightest scent of creative expression. Most notably were the recent protests surrounding the movie Paddington 2, in which a friendly talking bear became a messiah for communism and a champion for Joseph Stalin by wearing a red hat.
With outrage perpetually spewing forth like last night’s Taco Bell, it can difficult to distinguish a salvageable nacho chip from the generalized pile of guts and filth. For the record, accusing a fictitious, rain boot wearing bear of being a bastard communist is legitimate outrage.
However an even more contemptuous movie is now under the same fire from an array of different activist groups. Universal Studios announced that it will be remaking the movie Bridesmaids even though it is only 7 years old. The catch? Larry the Cable Guy has been cast as every character. Men and Women’s rights groups have formed an unlikely united protest.
“Unfortunately Larry the Cable Guy should only be cast as 1/3 of the characters in any given movie, it’s an important bylaw written in our very logical, not at all overcompensating or unfounded Men’s Rights Bible,” said prominent men’s rights activist Terry Mitchell, as he crawled serpentine up the basement stairs for his mom to spoon feed him Pizza Rolls.
Women’s rights activists agreed on that oddly specific stipulation while also noting that really nothing in this world deserves to suffer the burden of Larry the Cable Guy, especially an objectively hilarious movie.
So come see the remake of Bridesmaids this summer where Larry the Cable Guy will Git Er Done in full bridal attire! Hilarious!