One Tie All Tie

Revulsion of Guy Fieri could cause world peace

The key to world peace doesn’t lie in virtuous diplomats, global economies, or disbandment of military entities. World peace requires something greater, something capable of transcending centuries of misunderstanding and animosity. Something to act as an adhesive to every race, religion and person no matter how small. The key to world peace lies in the perspiring, swollen, sausage link fingers of celebrity chef, Guy Fieri.

In a time where even the most benign outlook on any topic will get you crucified, one realm of belief remains unburdened by any judgement. That being the universal distaste of mountain troll turned television chef, Guy Fieri. Achieving a state of universal revulsion is a rare feat, and not enviable for that matter, though through this achievement the savior of humanity is born. A paunchy, bloated savior swaddled in Ed Hardy. This messiah shall breach the fetid oil of a neglected deep fryer and use his malnourished fluorescent hair to bind nations.

Imagine if the rampant hatred consuming this world was instead consumed by the eager mouth of Guy Fieri. Inhaled like a bucket of gut busting TNT wings smothered in maple syrup. Races and religions finding a single commonality to bond over…to laugh over…to cry over…to loath. That feeling of having to stop eating mid-meal while Guy accumulates enough drool to slither a triple decker pulled pork sandwich into his cram hole is infallible…it is felt concurrently by everyone and everything.

These types of universal feelings could be powerful enough to neutralize the horrible state the world is currently in. So let the flames on his XXL Harley Davidson bowling shirt wash over you and embrace a sentiment held by both your best friend, your worst enemy and anything in between.