A completely behind the times, technologically incapable person at the office is officially ready to get on the blower to talk through a problem that should have easily been solved with a simple email. “I saw the words Browser and URL and knew it was over my head, it’s always easiest for everyone…to just get on the phone and talk me through things step by step,” said Derek Vargas, hovering his mouse over a PDF file and growing more irritated and confused by the minute on why it won’t open. Menial tasks for most, such as opening files and browsing the internet, are painstaking voyages for Vargas. They consume the majority of his day and that consumption in turn makes the rest of the office his personal beast of technological burden.

“It takes a brave person to admit they need help and an even braver person to stand ardently in opposition to change, to remain hopelessly in the past and to be a part of as many meetings as possible.” Continued Vargas, confusedly pecking at a keyboard not currently connected to the computer.

The required phone call was an incomprehensible failure by every definition of the word as every attempt at education or explanation landed with a dull thud in the excruciating silence. “The call went well, so much easier on the phone! Total collaboration! I told them if they needed anything else from me, I’d be more than happy to sit silently on the other end of a lengthy, one-sided phone call,” said Vargas cheerily, Zappos shopping cart brimming over.

The rest of the office remains confused by his presence.