Job interviews can be SO confusing. Other than obvious social ques, measurable cordiality and overall ease of conversation, there’s never any real way to determine what the person interviewing you is thinking. There’s a chance that a nugget of pure unbridled hatred is lying just beneath that shit eating grin. That maybe you won’t get to work in a nebulous role, churning out garbage that functions as a slight annoyance to everyone else in the department and a greater burden to humanity as a whole.
There’s a chance that you won’t even get the opportunity to grind away the prime years of your life buried in a sterile cubicle, threatening to pursue you’re dreams before quietly subduing them once more. Why take that chance!? The one thing every job interview is missing in the presence of a natural male enhancement energy drink. Use the steps below to land your dream job in minutes!
- Abruptly announce in the middle of the interview that you are both thirsty, tired and lacking
- Politely decline the glass of water they offer and show preparedness by coolly sliding out a visibly room temperature Extenze natural male enhancement energy drink from your leather tote
- Slowly open the can so that every crack of the aluminum cuts like knifes through the agonizing silence, showing confidence by never breaking eye contact with the taxidermied nutria that may or may not be real behind the interviewers head
- Vocalize that the throbbing thyroid gland, tunnel vision and ear ringing you’ve been experiencing since starting the enhancement regiment are all testaments to you being able to overcome adversity
- Take a long, concentrated pull from the can to the point of noticeable discomfort, allowing some of the viscous fluid to run down your chin combining with the sweat that has already been forming
- Place the can without coaster on the desk to show ultimate transparency and a dedication to multi-tasking, getting a job while also gaining girth
- Give a lengthy, clammy departing handshake, barely moving each of your fingers
- Wait for the job offer!